My night with Luke!
Well let me start this off with a little bit of background on my son and I through the years. About 4 years ago my son was diagnosed with "High Functioning" Autism. During this time we were constantly scrambling and unsure of what to do or how to keep him calm and relaxed. Before we got the diagnosis, seemed like everyday were having huge blow ups that just go worse and worse and we were in a state of panic while feeling like we were creeping around on egg shells within our own home on a daily basis hoping to not have an issue. Finally we said enough is enough took him to the Doctor and said HELP US!
Thursday, September 20, 2019-
Today Luke had a appointment at Cincinnati Children's Hospital Division of Psychiatry at the North College Hill campus which by the way is just an amazing staff and place for both the child and family while trying to help them grow. While at this appointment we discussed all the good things that have been going on with my son Luke and how he is doing well and really functioning at such a peak level to start his school year! Not sure for everyone but for me its always been about blunt honesty and not holding back the real truth when talking to our Doctor as I feel that it does not help Luke if I am pretending everything is going so smooth and easy. So for now Luke has been doing amazing each day sticking to our routine, getting good sleep, while maintaining great behavior at school. Only issue he displays is extreme anxiety levels and obsessive behavior about various subjects and wants. Discussing this obsessive behavior and anxiety, I found myself making a selfish parenting choice and suggesting we increase his Zoloft prescription to perhaps ease the stress and anxious behavior a bit more. Doctors agreed, but, warned that increase of the medicine could lead to outbursts and unchecked aggression while the his levels balance out.
Giving Luke his meds for the first time last night as they kick in under the new dose, suddenly he becomes very agitated and very closed off in regards to communication and understanding. I know what you are saying to yourself right now "That's Autism" but it was an extreme change from his daily behaviors that I found myself at a loss on what to do or how to deal with it in the moment. Later that night I found myself questioning did I increase his dose with his doctor to make my life easier or to make his easier? How often do I look at him in an aspect of what I need or want as opposed to what is best for him? I considered the facts that though we want to help them go forward and learn how to function in the world as best and with as much ease as possible, perhaps, the patience to get to that point needs to be placed on us as parents not on the individual child. As I considered these facts I know medicine is an essential part of assisting him function in his daily life, but how often are we looking to adjust those meds to better help us within ours.
These questions I think are thoughts a lot of parents with children with not just autism but any mental, behavioral, or physical disability face on a daily basis. Its always about am I doing it right, is this the right routine, how is this family trip going to affect them individually. I think in the end honestly we are not the answer keepers, but the people finding a new path everyday that works today, this week, or this month. However, we all know that even week to week a new adjustment is going to be needed to every aspect of both your life and theirs. I think as parents we need to stand tall and take pride in our successes and take knowledge from our failures as we do in all aspects of our lives. No more nights sitting there feeling horrible because you stayed a bit to long doing this or that, or the fireworks were to loud, or we can not do that because. Instead create a file in our mind and say hey last time we did this it didn't work out to well, or last time this happened it ended badly, and by doing so we are placing our children in place to succeed as opposed to place for me to succeed. We are learning and growing with the child as he or she grows we are growing with them. Thanks for reading!
David Westendorf
Thursday, September 20, 2019-
Today Luke had a appointment at Cincinnati Children's Hospital Division of Psychiatry at the North College Hill campus which by the way is just an amazing staff and place for both the child and family while trying to help them grow. While at this appointment we discussed all the good things that have been going on with my son Luke and how he is doing well and really functioning at such a peak level to start his school year! Not sure for everyone but for me its always been about blunt honesty and not holding back the real truth when talking to our Doctor as I feel that it does not help Luke if I am pretending everything is going so smooth and easy. So for now Luke has been doing amazing each day sticking to our routine, getting good sleep, while maintaining great behavior at school. Only issue he displays is extreme anxiety levels and obsessive behavior about various subjects and wants. Discussing this obsessive behavior and anxiety, I found myself making a selfish parenting choice and suggesting we increase his Zoloft prescription to perhaps ease the stress and anxious behavior a bit more. Doctors agreed, but, warned that increase of the medicine could lead to outbursts and unchecked aggression while the his levels balance out.
Giving Luke his meds for the first time last night as they kick in under the new dose, suddenly he becomes very agitated and very closed off in regards to communication and understanding. I know what you are saying to yourself right now "That's Autism" but it was an extreme change from his daily behaviors that I found myself at a loss on what to do or how to deal with it in the moment. Later that night I found myself questioning did I increase his dose with his doctor to make my life easier or to make his easier? How often do I look at him in an aspect of what I need or want as opposed to what is best for him? I considered the facts that though we want to help them go forward and learn how to function in the world as best and with as much ease as possible, perhaps, the patience to get to that point needs to be placed on us as parents not on the individual child. As I considered these facts I know medicine is an essential part of assisting him function in his daily life, but how often are we looking to adjust those meds to better help us within ours.
These questions I think are thoughts a lot of parents with children with not just autism but any mental, behavioral, or physical disability face on a daily basis. Its always about am I doing it right, is this the right routine, how is this family trip going to affect them individually. I think in the end honestly we are not the answer keepers, but the people finding a new path everyday that works today, this week, or this month. However, we all know that even week to week a new adjustment is going to be needed to every aspect of both your life and theirs. I think as parents we need to stand tall and take pride in our successes and take knowledge from our failures as we do in all aspects of our lives. No more nights sitting there feeling horrible because you stayed a bit to long doing this or that, or the fireworks were to loud, or we can not do that because. Instead create a file in our mind and say hey last time we did this it didn't work out to well, or last time this happened it ended badly, and by doing so we are placing our children in place to succeed as opposed to place for me to succeed. We are learning and growing with the child as he or she grows we are growing with them. Thanks for reading!
David Westendorf
Thanks for sharing your experiences. As parents of an autistic child (children) too. I agree that at times we have to make tough decisions, and yet our experiences, research, philosophy, or input received from others, will shape whether we scrap those ideas, make slight changes, or stick with them, as each Autistic child and situation is unique, and there is no set answer. We often too have to be think one step ahead in what to do or not do, to prevent further of the same difficulties, new difficulties from occurring, or to make things more comfortable for that child/children, if not now, then in the future.
ReplyDeleteAs parents, we will make mistakes along the way, but indeed be proud of not only our efforts and attempts to put our children first, but our child(s) attempts too to navigate this world and be their best, through their efforts and with our and others’ help. We appreciate even the smaller accomplishments in our children, but try to enjoy them mostly for who they are, and not what others want them to be. Of course meltdowns and dangerous situations we try to limit, and we have found ways to help us there, and although our goal is for them to be as healthy and functional as possible, we do not worry if they cannot do some things the way other children do. We appreciate those differences more than anything else. Keep writing, if it helps you too!